SYNOPSIS
Suicide should come with a warning label: “Do not try this alone.” If you truly need out and want the job done right, you should consider using an outside expert. Like Eli. Eli Edelmann never intended on making a living through mercy killing. After reluctantly taking over his family’s party supply store following his father’s death, he is approached by a terminally ill family friend who’s had enough. The friend, a retired policeman, has an intricate plan involving something Eli has ready access to – helium. Eli is initially shocked and repulsed by the proposal, but soon begins to soften his stance and, after much deliberation, eventually agrees to lend a hand. It was supposed to be a one-time thing. How could Eli have known euthanasia was his true calling? And how long can he keep his daring underground "exit" operation going before the police or his volatile new girlfriend get wise?
PURCHASE THE EXIT MAN
Read An Excerpt
Showing
up to manage a party supply store after euthanizing a man is anti-climactic.
Even with the help of my pills, I struggled to summon the enthusiasm needed to
sell instruments of merriment for days after Sgt. Rush’s lift off.
I wasn’t depressed by or panicked
over the act I had committed; I was nostalgic. Sales were suffering not because
I was visibly frantic, but because I was figuratively absent. Each time a
customer asked a question about a party package, my mind was wrapped around a
release valve. Whenever my tongue was busy explaining the advantages of Mylar
over latex, my brain was occupied with the kindness of helium.
Fathers desperate to win back the
love and respect of their soon-to-be sweet 16 year-old daughters demand your
undivided attention.
Husbands hoping that an
anniversary celebration for the ages will mask their recent affair won’t tolerate
a scripted pitch.
Managers looking to dupe
employees into thinking the company truly cares need you to act like you do,
too.
There’s simply no place for
distractions in party supply sales.
But distracted I was. I had
fallen in love with the sinister sequence of recent events. I repeatedly
revisited them, valued them more than anything taking place before me in the
present. Where most first-time perpetrators of a highly illegal act would have
been consumed by fear or guilt, I was consumed by pride and feelings of
self-worth – by an unconquerable sensation that, having defiantly crossed bold
lines and risked so much, I had rendered myself untouchable.
Yeah, 50 mgs of amphetamine a day
will do that to a man.
It will fire you up far past the
point of who you are but keep you calm when it’s required, like when a man who
might be a detective walks through the shop door looking inquisitive. It will
turn you into a god, yet guide you through discourse suitable for mortals, such
as when a longtime customer asks if you heard about a certain sergeant.
“No, what happened?” I responded,
feigning surprise and concern.
“A friend found him a couple of
days ago at his home. Such a shame,” the customer said.
“Shit, you’re kidding me. How did
he die?”
“Natural causes. He had a lung
condition, as you probably know.”
“Yeah, I knew he wasn’t in the
best of health, but I figured he had plenty of time left. He was one strong
S.O.B.”
“That he was. I expect there will
be info about memorial services in tomorrow’s paper.”
“Thanks for letting me know.
Damn, he will be missed.”
And there it was – official
confirmation that Sgt. Rush and I had succeeded. No suicide nor foul play
suspected, at least not according to my less-than-authoritative source. While
it was possible that some form of investigation or lab analysis was taking
place, it was highly unlikely. My partner and I had covered all the bases.
About The Author
Greg's
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Having spent much of his life weaving intricate tales to get out of things like gym class and jury duty, Greg Levin is no stranger to fiction. Greg’s debut novel,
Notes on an Orange Burial was published in November 2011 by Elixirist (now 48fourteen) and has sold over 11 copies to his immediate family. Greg's second book,
The Exit Man (available Spring 2014), is already being hailed as one of the top two novels he has ever written.
Greg has been getting paid to put words together since 1994, working as a professional business journalist,
freelance writer and ghostwriter. He has written hundreds of feature articles, case studies and satire pieces, as well as a critically acclaimed business ebook.
When not busy writing, Greg enjoys thinking about writing, and spending time with his wife and daughter. He also enjoys cooking, traveling and exercising, as well as freestyle rapping for his friends even when they don’t do anything to deserve such mistreatment.
Greg was born in Huntington, New York in 1969, and then moved to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania with his family when he was six. He attended the University of New Hampshire and graduated summa cum laude in 1991 with a BA in Communication and a special concentration in Creative Writing.
Greg currently resides in Austin, Texas, where he is one of just 17 people who don’t play a musical instrument or write songs. He is currently wanted by Austin authorities for refusing to eat pork ribs or dance the two-step.
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SYNOPSIS
